Today I took the cats out to shop for their Halloween costumes and it was totally
exhausting.
The hairballs ran around the mall like freaking animals and every cute costume I had them
try on they didn't like. They were fighting with each other, the sales clerks, and me. After
five hours of screaming at them I put the banshees into a shopping cart, wheeled them all
out to the car, threw them in the trunk (for punishment) and drove home. Enough is enough
and my nerves are shot to hell. Speaking of shots - that's what I need as a pick me up
right now to settle my nerves (be right back), I forget to let the banshees out of the trunk too.
O.K. now I feel better, I fed the fur balls and had about ten shots of bourbon and although I
now feel very relaxed my brain feels very fuzzy. Since that is when I usually acquire my
best ideas I've decided to just let the freaking fur balls pick out their own costumes for
Halloween. So tomorrow I will tell the little banshees that they "won the war" and if they
want to make total fools of themselves ---- then just go ahead --- as long as they don't tell
all the neighbors who they really belong to. I will give them my charge card and drop them
off at the mall and give them two hours to shop and only charge their costumes. Yes, yes,
this bourbon really works, I think I'll have another few shots to celebrate. Will continue this
tomorrow, I finished the bourbon and have to go out and get more!
Ouch, I woke up with one hell of a headache today and told the fur balls my decision from
yesterday to take them to the mall for two hours, I just needed a bottle of aspirin and a
gallon of coffee to get me jump started. They started cheering and jumping around, giving
each other "high paws" and left me to pull myself together before I changed my mind about
the whole thing to just crawl back into bed and die. Well, three hours later I handed over
my charge card and shoved them all out of the car -- drove home -- kicked back and put
an ice bag on my throbbing brain. Thank you Lord, finally a quiet house, no bickering,
yelling, wild music from each room, fighting over toys or catnip. "Just heaven", I thought
as I was beginning to drift off when the blasted phone rang. I couldn't scream or my brains
would have seeped out of my ears because they were not even "chilled" yet from the ice
bag. Oh God now what - but since he didn't give me a "burning bush" to know what was
going on I had to move my butt to get the phone. It was my precious hairballs calling for
me to pick them up because they were all done shopping! This can't be, am I dreaming ---
I pinched myself so hard that my left breast nipple got hard --- well, I knew I wasn't
dreaming then. As I dragged my butt into the car to pick up my babies my brain was rolling
around like a roulette wheel trying to figure out how can they shop SO FAST today after
they put me through five hours of hell yesterday. The minute the thought flashed through
my mind like thunder I got another brain storm which I wanted to ignore until I inspected
what they purchased. It couldn't be any worse than last year when Ally wanted to go as a
"skunk" and painted a white stripe down her back -- really smart thinking -- because she
came home crying because when she rang the doorbells with her goody bag ready for
candy, they almost killed her with brooms or whatever they could grab hold of. The poor
baby came home with nothing and just cried in my arms all evening. Nothing could be
worse than that so what am I worrying about.
Well, got the little fur balls home and was proud of some of the outfits but really upset
about the two that I thought were really out of line. Well the pictures are attached, leave it
up to those two perverted hairballs to go as "strippers". The others had more sensible
costumes with more "virtue" and "class" involved with their choices which I am very proud
of. Well, hairball, cough, cough, spit, puke, I will attach them all for you to judge for
yourselves. Well, happy Halloween and I will be sending out my hairballs with the
costumes they chose and if the villagers don't follow them home with lit torches in their
hands to burn down our house I will sleep very peacefully through Halloween and hide my
face till next year. Happy Halloween.
By Cathy Gregor
Copyright 2005
exhausting.
The hairballs ran around the mall like freaking animals and every cute costume I had them
try on they didn't like. They were fighting with each other, the sales clerks, and me. After
five hours of screaming at them I put the banshees into a shopping cart, wheeled them all
out to the car, threw them in the trunk (for punishment) and drove home. Enough is enough
and my nerves are shot to hell. Speaking of shots - that's what I need as a pick me up
right now to settle my nerves (be right back), I forget to let the banshees out of the trunk too.
O.K. now I feel better, I fed the fur balls and had about ten shots of bourbon and although I
now feel very relaxed my brain feels very fuzzy. Since that is when I usually acquire my
best ideas I've decided to just let the freaking fur balls pick out their own costumes for
Halloween. So tomorrow I will tell the little banshees that they "won the war" and if they
want to make total fools of themselves ---- then just go ahead --- as long as they don't tell
all the neighbors who they really belong to. I will give them my charge card and drop them
off at the mall and give them two hours to shop and only charge their costumes. Yes, yes,
this bourbon really works, I think I'll have another few shots to celebrate. Will continue this
tomorrow, I finished the bourbon and have to go out and get more!
Ouch, I woke up with one hell of a headache today and told the fur balls my decision from
yesterday to take them to the mall for two hours, I just needed a bottle of aspirin and a
gallon of coffee to get me jump started. They started cheering and jumping around, giving
each other "high paws" and left me to pull myself together before I changed my mind about
the whole thing to just crawl back into bed and die. Well, three hours later I handed over
my charge card and shoved them all out of the car -- drove home -- kicked back and put
an ice bag on my throbbing brain. Thank you Lord, finally a quiet house, no bickering,
yelling, wild music from each room, fighting over toys or catnip. "Just heaven", I thought
as I was beginning to drift off when the blasted phone rang. I couldn't scream or my brains
would have seeped out of my ears because they were not even "chilled" yet from the ice
bag. Oh God now what - but since he didn't give me a "burning bush" to know what was
going on I had to move my butt to get the phone. It was my precious hairballs calling for
me to pick them up because they were all done shopping! This can't be, am I dreaming ---
I pinched myself so hard that my left breast nipple got hard --- well, I knew I wasn't
dreaming then. As I dragged my butt into the car to pick up my babies my brain was rolling
around like a roulette wheel trying to figure out how can they shop SO FAST today after
they put me through five hours of hell yesterday. The minute the thought flashed through
my mind like thunder I got another brain storm which I wanted to ignore until I inspected
what they purchased. It couldn't be any worse than last year when Ally wanted to go as a
"skunk" and painted a white stripe down her back -- really smart thinking -- because she
came home crying because when she rang the doorbells with her goody bag ready for
candy, they almost killed her with brooms or whatever they could grab hold of. The poor
baby came home with nothing and just cried in my arms all evening. Nothing could be
worse than that so what am I worrying about.
Well, got the little fur balls home and was proud of some of the outfits but really upset
about the two that I thought were really out of line. Well the pictures are attached, leave it
up to those two perverted hairballs to go as "strippers". The others had more sensible
costumes with more "virtue" and "class" involved with their choices which I am very proud
of. Well, hairball, cough, cough, spit, puke, I will attach them all for you to judge for
yourselves. Well, happy Halloween and I will be sending out my hairballs with the
costumes they chose and if the villagers don't follow them home with lit torches in their
hands to burn down our house I will sleep very peacefully through Halloween and hide my
face till next year. Happy Halloween.
By Cathy Gregor
Copyright 2005
Halloween Costume Shopping
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