When I got up this morning I found the Christmas letters from my "babies" on the table to
send to Santa and of course, deliver.
Letter to Santa from Dozer:
Dear Santa, are you the fat fart that always eats the cookies my mommy puts out and I can
never eat in time? Well, Santa, this year I really don't want much so I will just put the most
important things first, if you don't mind. Thank you Santa. By the way, maybe you should
go on weight watchers and leave the freaking cookies for me. Here is my list:
inside, when can I get real mice? Dozer
Letter to Santa from Buddy Bee:
Dear Santa, help me please, could you just take Dozer back to the North Pole and bring
me back a new brother?
Thank you Santa. Love, BuddyBee.
Letter to Santa from Kunta:
Dear Santa, I am too old to go through all this Christmas stuff anymore. Besides the best
present you ever gave me was to find me my mommie who takes such good care of me. If
I could only have one wish it would be for you to take the other f---ers and find them a new
home so I could just live in peace.
Dozer must be associated with Bin Laden because he is a freaking terrorist. As for
Buddy Bee, he just wants to play all the time and I am just to old for that anymore too. Last
year Santa, you got me my "heating pad" cat bed to lay on and that was the best present I
ever got in my whole life. As for me Santa, I have everything I could possibly want. Oh,
except one thing, could you please take my grandmother who has Altzheimers with you to
the north pole? She keeps stepping on my tail and sits on me when I am in my favorite
chair. She yells at me a lot too when I am just sleeping and I don't know why.
Thank you Santa and I hope you get all the presents and toys you want this year too. Love,
Kunta.
Letter to Santa from Ally:
Dear Santa, I would like some catnip, a new hair brush and three new brothers please.
That is all I really want. Thank you Santa. Love Ally.
By Cathy Gregor
Copyright 2005
send to Santa and of course, deliver.
Letter to Santa from Dozer:
Dear Santa, are you the fat fart that always eats the cookies my mommy puts out and I can
never eat in time? Well, Santa, this year I really don't want much so I will just put the most
important things first, if you don't mind. Thank you Santa. By the way, maybe you should
go on weight watchers and leave the freaking cookies for me. Here is my list:
- One blow up female cat.
- One uzi and a new flame thrower too.
- 4 live hamsters to experiment on.
- 20 rolls of duct tape (Santa, I use that a lot).
- 30 live mice if you can't deliver the hamsters.
- Surgeon tools since I might want to play doctor to experiment on the hamsters or
mice. - I sure could use a sharp machete too while you are at it.
- Catnip would be awesome -- but do you think you could just "kick it up a little"?
inside, when can I get real mice? Dozer
Letter to Santa from Buddy Bee:
Dear Santa, help me please, could you just take Dozer back to the North Pole and bring
me back a new brother?
- Santa, if you can't take Dozer back I would like to settle for a fresh catnip plant.
- Also some more toys, if that is o.k. with you.
- How about a bullet proof vest if Dozer wants a gun and you give him one.
- I also want something nice for my mommie - whatever you think appropriate,
however, I know she really needs a lot of valium when Dozer gets in so much trouble
all the time. Mommie just seems to swallow those pills and lays down alot so
anything you can do to help my mom I want for Christmas too.
Thank you Santa. Love, BuddyBee.
Letter to Santa from Kunta:
Dear Santa, I am too old to go through all this Christmas stuff anymore. Besides the best
present you ever gave me was to find me my mommie who takes such good care of me. If
I could only have one wish it would be for you to take the other f---ers and find them a new
home so I could just live in peace.
Dozer must be associated with Bin Laden because he is a freaking terrorist. As for
Buddy Bee, he just wants to play all the time and I am just to old for that anymore too. Last
year Santa, you got me my "heating pad" cat bed to lay on and that was the best present I
ever got in my whole life. As for me Santa, I have everything I could possibly want. Oh,
except one thing, could you please take my grandmother who has Altzheimers with you to
the north pole? She keeps stepping on my tail and sits on me when I am in my favorite
chair. She yells at me a lot too when I am just sleeping and I don't know why.
Thank you Santa and I hope you get all the presents and toys you want this year too. Love,
Kunta.
Letter to Santa from Ally:
Dear Santa, I would like some catnip, a new hair brush and three new brothers please.
That is all I really want. Thank you Santa. Love Ally.
By Cathy Gregor
Copyright 2005
Letters To Santa 2005
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